There once was a pirate named Steve. He was quite nice, as pirates go, and liked to run (or shall I say, hop) all about town shouting out things like:
"Arr! There be me favorite silver spoon!"
"Arrggh! I've lost me contact lens!"
I didn't say he was a good pirate.
Anyhow, one day Steve was out and about, hopping here and there, when suddenly his patch fell off. His eye - where else would he have a patch? The onlookers were shocked to see that Steve had a wooden eye behind that patch. It was rolling around in the socket, slivers of wood blinking like splintery eyelashes as he fumbled for his lost patch. One of the shocked onlookers took pity on poor pirate Steve and picked up the patch with two skinny fingers. Her name was Delly - the helpful onlooker, not the patch.
"I've found your patch," she said, helpfully, dangling the patch in front of Steve's good, non-splintery eye.
"Me patch?!" said Steve, reaching for it. But, he missed because he didn't have very good depth perception.
"Your patch," she affirmed, grabbing him by the wrist and putting the patch in his palm.
"Aww, you're a sweet wee lass," he said with a grin even though Delly was anything but wee. In fact, she was quite large with a billowing pink skirt and a yellow scarf over her shoulders. She kind of hurt to look at, truth be told, with her bright clashing colors, four missing teeth, and razor sharp curls standing up straight.
She blushed all over at pirate Steve's words, which made it difficult to tell where her skin gave off and her skirt began.
Steve blushed too as he pushed his patch into place. The onlookers moved hastily on, averting their eyes from his now-crooked patch and Delly's bright face. But, Steve and Delly - they didn't move on, they moved in.
And that, my loves, is a pirate romance.